My journey

2007-07-13T00:52:00.000+08:00

Welcome to the teaching fraternity!

Have not been blogging for while given the hustle and bustle of settling wedding preparations and adpating to school life. Wedding prep has been frastrating yet fufilling. We have completed half the tasks according to the wedding schedule. God's grace and provision never fails. =]

I have been teaching for the past 3 weeks at RPS. It has been such a joy teaching the P1 kids. Despite the intitial apprehension about the new school environment and a totally surprising appointment to teach P1, I was able to integrate fairly ok into the culture. Lotsa things to set in place like procedures and tidy up my boring workstation. I brought lots of snacks in to satisfy my craving for food on busy afternoons when I have no time for lunch. Look forward to knowing more teachers and the culture in school! I am in the English Dept currently and so far things are going fine. Thank God for an understanding and kind HOD!

Just had Teachers' Investiture 2 days ago. Went up the stage for the first time to receive my cert. Was really inspired by one of the Outstanding Youth teacher award recipient. Looking at her petite frame and sweet looks, one wouldn't have guessed she jogs with her students and initiates many student projects in school. I pray I can do my best and impact many lives like her too. Wonder if she's a christian?

time for bed.

2007-05-05T02:09:00.000+08:00

Tonight was an unusual night. It was a night fraught with fear and uncertainties. I have been thinking about what has been happening in cell group lately. But i guess it just couldn't be contained any longer in my heart. I let it out in torrents of tears streaming down my face as I wept over the condition of my own heart and of my sheep. I have not had such strong emotions for a long time. Once again, I was hungry to experience a touch, a word from Him. I did. I was drawn back to the love of God in a message reminded by Dear. That despite all my failures, He still loves me. Love drives out the fear in me to fail, to succeed. That's the whole point, isn't it?

God reminded me also about Psalm 42. That I have yet to place my hope in Him.

"Today, a renewal is occurring in various parts of the world; God is restoring joy to His people. Many whom the Lord has touched were weighed down - just like you might be - with either moral failure or tragedy. In the very place where our deferred hopes produced heart sickness Christ is here "to bind up the brokenhearted" (Isa. 61:1). Where once sorrow and heaviness reigned, He gives a "garland instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the mantle of praise instead of a spirit of fainting" (Isa. 61:3). No longer will church attendance be a penance for your failures. From now on you shall enter His gates with thanksgiving. Indeed, to every Christian struggling with an unbearable burden, the Lord says, You are still My bride. Indeed, speaking of this very valley of troubling, the Lord has promised: “I will allure her, bring her into the wilderness and speak kindly to her. Then I will give her her vineyards from there, and the valley of Achor as a door of hope. And she will sing there as in the days of her youth” (Hosea 2:14-15). The fruitfulness of God's blessing, from this day forward, shall increase in your life. And there in "the valley of Achor," the scene of your deepest wounds or worst failures, the Lord has placed for you a "door of hope." His goal is nothing less than to restore to you the song of the Lord, that you might sing again "as in the days of [your] youth."

-Francis Frangipane in Door of Hope

Thank you Lord for bringing me to the door of hope. Though I may not see it now, I know it is waiting for me there. You have placed it there and I just have to walk towards it, amidst the darkness. In all my failings, you have not failed. You have not failed to love me, shelter me from the accusations and condemnations. You sent you Holy Spirit and Dear to minister to me at my darkest hour. Thank you my Lord.

2007-01-14T00:34:00.000+08:00

Some updates on wedding preparation:

The search for hotels for wedding banquet, church venue for solemnisation and interior designing for our new house for the past two weeks had been tiring but fruitful. We learnt a lot about the different packages given by hotels and interior firms, and compared the perks given by each. 17th Dec 2007 is the date we chose for wedding dinner as it is our anniversary. Hopefully we get to book a nice place for our solemnisation on 16th Dec.

Search for hotels: Narrowed to Le Meridien and Hilton. If there's still time next week we would like to explore Orchard Parade. The ballroom we loved at Hilton is situated on the 24th storey which is called the Panorama. The glass windows overlook the Orchard area and we think the night scene will be mesmerising

Interior Firm: Home success. Fomerly renovated Zoe Tay's house and eventually became famous. Heard reviews about their good service and quality. City Design, another ISO company.

We need wisdom and advice on financial management for the above because we want to plan well so that we do not want to overspend and we hope to hold a memorable wedding that honours God, our parents and each other. Wondering when the marriage counselling course will start, pretty excited about it.

Meanwhile it's new cell group. New faces, new leadership and challenges. Members in my cell: My dearest assistants Sharity, Alan, Kok Chye, girls who are full of character Melissa and Shermaine, lively twins Joanne and Joey, cheeky Bryan (haha..) and baby Kenneth. =]

Things I need to think of:
1) Settle roles and responsibilities
2) 1st cell outing
3) cell name
4) outreach list

2006-12-26T12:09:00.000+08:00

But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God's unfailing love forever and ever. Psalm 52:8

Today for quiet time, I learnt that olive trees are one of the longest living trees. A flourishing olive tree in the house of God is one that is protected and sustained by God. I want to be like a flourishing olive tree planted in God's kingdom eternally protected by God and nourishing those that come near me.

Sitting at my table, looking out through the rain splattered window, I finally have some time to blog now. Have not blogged for a while. Maybe because of school work and the dreaded feeling of lethargy that set in ever since the sem ended. Am in the midst of having a rejuvenated rest. Note the difference: Rest and rejuvenated rest. I hope that by the end of the rest, my spirit may be rejuvenated by God Himself and the mindless pursuit of useless things will simply fade into oblivion. Rest is crucial. Somehow in rest, one is able to observe things that were unobservable say when one is in the midst of happenings. Somehow in rest, the mind becomes clearer, the speech becomes slower and the heart beats stronger.

Youth camp and Christmas had just passed us in the blink of an eye. To be honest, actually i don't like Christmas. Not that I dont like Jesus' birthday or that I don't remember the gift of love that God has given us, but Christmas seemed all superficial to me especially in crowded Orchard Rd. Christmas in Singapore is a festive season to drink, give presents and sing carols (half the time people dont even understand what the lyrics mean). In church, people take the time to go for holidays instead of working for the Lord to bring people in. Maybe I'm guilty of all these myself, many a times enjoying the glitter of festive lights and shopping mood ignoring the glory of God's presence that seemed to be sreaming for my attention at the same time. May God forgive me if I'd traded His Light for the lights of the world.

Joseph asked BAG last thursday to prayerfully consider our direction and priorities for 2007. It is going to be a major transition for me next year. Lots of things to consider and pray for and I dont understand a lot of things. "The purposes of a man's heart are deep waters; but a man of understanding draws them out" (Proverbs 20:5). Lord give me understanding!

2006-11-10T23:35:00.000+08:00

I am happy today. Just handed up one of the most dreaded assignments CCE, with 3 more to go next week. But it's kinda scary when I saw the thick stacks of assignments people handed up. Think there were over 80 pages worth of work. Mine's about 24? ha.. Hey but it's still a lot of hard work and yes, brain work. That explains my late nights (or should I say mornings) on MSN and pimply face. Had a good sleep in the noon but I'm still feeling sluggish. Kept yawning and couldnt take my eyes off the TV for fear of having to start the hideous cycle of never ending work.

Latest updates:
I got the Commonwealth flat that I want! Will select a unit in Dec I think. Praise God for his faithfulness and for granting us our desire. I simply love the area. Will explore after my FYP concludes (can't wait for it to end man..sigh)

Two of my dearest classmates are together. One is my dear Christian brother, the other is a dear friend whom I have been trying to impact and reach out to for the past 3 years. Mixed feelings. He'll explain to me after exams. Right now, I have no time to ponder over this hurt.

Pray for P. Ted as he goes through the ordeal, facing himself, his family and the public. That the community will be strong and and unwavered. Our actions matter. It affects those around us. But God's love and grace is great. He knows our coming in and going out. He can magnify a person's weakness to show his sovereignty.

"Though he falls, he shall not be utterly cast down; For the Lord upholds him with his hand."

2006-10-09T17:06:00.000+08:00

Enjoying this afternoon all by myself in the lab. Feeling all romantic and free-spirited with music playing in the background. =)

Went to Joseph's house yesterday for camp/DM meeting. Was welcomed into a lush and green environment, greeted by sculptured animals of the wild. There were jaguars, turtles and giraffes, and oh yes, elephants. ha.. The home was warm and inviting. A tad too small for 4 people but comfortable i think. Nice colour schemes tho.

BBQ was nice but many left early due to family commitments. Tempted to go back to my never ending work too but I couldnt. Dear and I told the Lord before that even if the whole world forsakes Joseph and the Youth ministry, we will not. We started it out with him for the past 2 years, we are going to continue to build as long as we can :)

On the way home, heard Sophia and Sharity talked about cell and the younger ones. A little startled by the remark made by sharity to Eileen about cell being rotten fruit. However, I dont think cell is like a rotten/overripe mango but I see that it is rather like a normal cell cos every church has its fair share of people like that. Our job is to continue to love them and care for them and guide them to the right path, whether they listen a not. How do I bring across the message that we were all like this in one way or another an we are still like this once in a while. Seeking attention, self before others, boasting, self-righteousness and lots of other weaknesses. We are all guilty of a lot of them. How do make them proud of their cell despite the fact that no one's perfect. How do we love and not judge? To love and not criticise? To work rather than talk? May the Lord enlighten us.

2006-10-01T16:30:00.000+08:00

Happy Children's Day!

Everyone deserves a break on this day. =) Let the little child in you come out if you have hidden him/her in some dark recesses of your life for a looooong time. It's good to be child-like. Today officially marks the end of our one week break. What break? haha..

Cant believe it, 1 whole month passed by without me realising it. Well actually I do, just that I prefer not to take stock of it. I try to live life day by day, wishing and praying that FYP would just end soon. It's such a mentally and physically draining process! Dr Tham must be so pissed with me so many times (I cant rem!) that sometimes I'm simply too discouraged to explain myself for the many boo boos I've made. =( But oh well, the whole process had been tough but enriching. I learnt the different aspects of research work and realised perseverance, passion and curiosity will push you on. However, I still wish that it will be over soon cos I want to spend my time on more productive stuff like finding out the condition of my flock and planning for cell!

More projects and assignments up ahead. Praying and persevering for God to develop something out of me during this stressful period of time.
Just led prayer meeting last Friday, shared on Spiritual hunger (1 Samuel 1:1-20 and Matt 5:7) and felt the Lord renewed my own hunger and need for him in my life.
Dear and I were a little disappointed about the attendance, but God reminded me that it doesnt matter because what's most impt. that the people who may need to hear the message are there. Was nervous cos I DONT LIKE TO SPEAK IN PUBLIC. but I'll try to do anything for God, as long as it is to give him glory and to train myself to come out of the comfort zone, I will do it. If i take my focus off myself, He will do a mighty work in the hearts of his people.

It's going to be a long remaining sem and I need a lot of stamina to juggle work and ministry. May my zest for God not stop and my love for the people not cease to run dry.

14 months more to go for D-Day! =) Think new house, flowers, dresses, candles, smiles, tears, love, new life ahead!

Random thoughts

2006-09-13T20:12:00.000+08:00

My scars are beautiful to God.

Life is bigger than my scars, weaknesses. And the life is given by the Holy Spirit living in me! =]

2006-08-14T17:24:00.000+08:00

24 is a fairly young age to think about death, purpose in life and the process of living a purpose-filled life. Recently, I should say for the past few months, death has a way of whispering fear and apprehension into my heart. Fear of losing my physical appearance (washed out look), freedom to run and walk and do the things which I love, fear of not being able to see Wenfu again, to be a good wife, to be be blessed with kids. With the passing of beloved Mrs Ho, my life had sort of taken a mini re-orientation in terms of the meaning of life. I treasure my days more and every moment is so precious to me. People are no longer an irritation to me as God showed me how much he loves each one of us.

Stumbled upon a website dedicated to a most amazing woman I've seen or known so far. Linda. Im still in the process of reading her entries. She recorded the last few months, battling with lowering blood platelets and undergoing chemotherapy to treat her sudden diagnosis of leukemia (blood cancer). Before that she was leading a life like any one of us. A teacher at a kindergarten and a wife married to a wonderful husband for 4 years. One very amazing thing about her is that despite what she went through, she still managed to find the strength to praise God and persevered in prayer. She was still proned to sadness, fear of the unknown and the unbearable bouts of discomfort experienced during treatments, however, she continued to look up and pray " God help me to stay strong". Psalm 94:14 - ''Lord, when doubts fill my mind, when my heart is in turmoil, quiet me and give me renewed hope and cheer'' She is teaching me something I have never experienced before. It was right there yesterday in her words that God touched me again.

"Remember to savor today... even if it means taking a deep breath while you're outside... appreciate even the little things like fresh air."

"One thing that cancer has done is slow me down, and I mean that in a good sense. Before cancer, you could easily pick me out in the mall - I was the speed-walker, zipping along with a zillion things going through my head. Now, I move along at a much more leisurely pace - part of that has to do with the fact that my energy level isn't what it used to be, but a lot of it has to do with the fact that I like to soak it all in. I take deep breaths and observe what's going on around me. I notice a great deal more now than I did before cancer - the evidences of spring, how people carry themselves while walking down the street, how blue the sky is on a clear day, things like that. I appreciate life and each day I'm given in a whole new way as God makes Himself so evident when I stop to take notice. "

"May God give you eyes to see beauty only the heart can understand... God bless you this day and enjoy all the beauty He surrounds us with!"

- Love, Linda

2006-08-11T19:39:00.000+08:00

Let's see.. one mad week has just passed by! I will update my modules and the different experiences I had been through. Felt like in secondary school but plus 100 times more stress. ha.. anyways here it is:

CAB 401 (Final yr proj) : research (Wednesday and everyday)
Stayed in school for the ENTIRE day on a day that no one would even dream of going back on - Wednesday. Supposed to meet sophia and amanda to walk around in orchard and cell for dinner but in the end I cldnlt make it. Kinda disappointed that I spent my holiday in such a pathetic way. It didnt help too when you heard about the haunted incidents at DNA lab. =( Thank God for Dear cos he stayed in school with me, being my lab slave.. haha.. thanks dear. =) However I think experiment is getting exciting as the I have transfered the seedlings over to the nutrient solutions in boiling tubes. Hopefully when I gather them back on Sun or monday there will be nodules! Dr Tham must be waiting too.

CAB 431: Animal behaviour (Mon and Thur lect)
Dr Shirley Lim as usual. Her cranky personality. She's nicer alrdy so I have not much to say about her =) Heavy practical weightages.

CCS 402: Reflections on Primary Science Practices (Mon lect, Fri tutorial)
Mr Charles Chew is a great Christian tutor. Look forward to working with him in this class. Got to talk a bit more to Amy today. Saw no one sat beside her so went behind to sit with her. Totally understand the sucky feeling of sitting alone. =)

CCM 402: Teaching and learning of Mathematics 3 (Tuesday tutorial)
Mr Eric Chan is my tutor. This person is task-oriented with no sense of humour at all. Called us to introduce ourselves and what we have learnt in the previous math modules, what we look forward to in this module. An A or B of course. Duh.. haha.. most of us just said strategies blah blah.. Praying that I will find favour with him la. Think God answered my prayer by introducing us to misconceptions students have in learning percentages during the first lesson. =)

CCE 402: Advanced strategies in the teaching of English 1 (Mon lect, Wed tutorial)
Same class as the usual people again: joanne, janice..Mdm Sally Ann Jones is an excellent tutor cos she manages to deliver effective key ideas across in 1 hour today (make up lesson). She's pretty despite being 45? 50? I slept at 3 am yesterday rushing my summaries but in the end she only asked 3 peepz in class to answer. ha.. oh well.. I was really tired yesterday. Super long day. 830 to 630 lesson, tuition 7-830 pm. rushed assignments to 3 am. But I know God has been granting strength throughout the whole day, even when I felt like lying on the table to rest for a while, he enables me to continue pressing on.

CCL 402: Advanced strategies in the teaching of social studies (Thurs tutorial)
Same class as Gham Seng. Lucky to have someone same class. ha.. but anyway we are in different groupings. First time we have a similar slot for CC modules. Anyways he had some misunderstanding with his mentor. Hope God will minister to him about his issues. We watched an inspiring clip during lecture about the power of creativity in everyday life. Think the person (Dewitt Jones) is a Christian. He quoted from the bible and all his ideas are a bit christian. Can apply in cell and everyday life.. =) Intend to download video from google. Ms Ananthi Chandra is our tutor. She started off with icebreakers and 'getting to know you' activities which warmed everyone up. Not bad for a start. =)

CED 432: Thinking skills to enhance learning (Thur lect/tutorial)
Dr Tan Ai Girl. Weird person. Talked to herself when she lectured from her powerpoint slides. She is a soft-spoken person but I know she belongs to the theoretical and brainy kind. Those that perhaps I will not perform well with. Oh ya, she suddenly stopped what she was teaching and asked us to share what had been taught. All of us were frantically trying to remember scanty details of what was being shared. Most ideas were repeated cos we really can't remember much, especially me. Haha.. so I turned my summary into a question for her, she may not be too happy about that. I dont know la. Her assignment is a little crappy but i think it is difficult. Share personal experience of learning opportunity and apply learning theories to my experience. What to write sia?

CAM 180 (General Elective) : History in Mathematics (Fri 2 -5 pm)
Dr Paul Shutler. Interesting guy who's going to lecture on the different European history in mathematics (E.g Eygptian, Archimedes, etc). Class is fairly big with LOTSA engineering students from mostly China. At the end of lesson they asked whether there would be homework. Haha.. super hardworking.

God spoke to me during one of the quiet times. 'GIVE'. Give my time, my resource, effort to people. And always be prepared to give an answer for the faith I have in Christ Jesus. In order to GIVE, I have to be deep in God. Thank you Lord. :)

2006-08-07T22:58:00.000+08:00

Finally have some time to breathe and blog =) Went for FOP yesterday. Queued for 2 hours just to get into the hall. Was a little scorched from the sun's menacing rays. It was solid 2 hours of worship and Word. Perhaps the Word could be a little more skewed towards the younger folks at the stadium la.

F orget slights and wrongs
O pen your heart
R each out to others
G rant pradon to all
I nvite dialogue
V alue peace
E mpathize and understand

Cell group relationships are strained. Good time for all of us to start growing as individual. Sometimes I pray: hide me God. But I know at this point of time, I cannot be hiding.

2006-08-03T01:51:00.000+08:00

My Prayer
My burdens keep me humble
And they teach me to pray.
If I murmur, if I grumble
Forgive the words I say.

Give me strength to just carry
My load day to day.
Just don’t take my burden
Or my cross away.

With the cross on my shoulder
My feet cannot stray.
For my cross leads me onward
To my home so far away.

And I’ll never question
The price I must pay.
But don’t take my burden
Or my cross away.

For I would grow careless
And idle I fear.
My eyes would be dry
I’d never shed a tear.
Lest I forget
That I need You today.
Don’t take my burdens
Or my cross away.

Source unknown

2006-07-30T11:54:00.000+08:00

Past month had been a futile experiment on the seedlings Ive germinated because most of them were contaminated. But God did speak something to me through the germination of those seeds. Some of the seeds appeared clean and sterilised for the first 2 days but grew up as contaminated seedlings due to the inner bacteria they hide underneath and i have to throw them away. It spoke to me abt 2 things:
1) we may still hide sins in our lives which may be exposed or we may face consequences later such as being a 'contaminated' Christian that stumbles others and grieves the one who 'germinated' us.
2) we have to break out of our seed coat dormancy and grow up as seedlings one day, performing whatever functions God has called us to do. Come out from wherever I am and start living for the present.

Even though my project does not look promising at this point of time, I will choose to trust in the Lord.

I thank God for the mountains
And I thank Him for the valleys
I thank Him for the storms He brought me through;
For If I’d never had a problemI wouldn’t know that He could solve them
I’d never know what faith in God could do.
Through it all, through it all,
I’ve learned to trust in Jesus,
I’ve learned to trust in God;
Through it all, through it all,
I’ve learned to depend upon His word.

- Andraé Crouch’s song, Through It All

Pastor Clement Wong came and preached at our service last evening and it was a powerful word from Luke 9:51-62. He challenged all of us to be commited Christians worthy to carry God's light and message to a world that needs God badly.
God spoke to me previous day when I was preparing testimony about v. 62 and P. Wong preached it on Sat!
1) Commitment w/o conditions
2) Commitment w/o delay
3) Commitment w/o strings attached

A lot of us reflected on our lives and re-dedicated our lives to God. It was a time of refreshing for many, including myself.

There's going to be steamboat event organised by dear kok chye. Really encouraged and pray that God will use him mightily in the days to come. Keep on praying for him to step out of fear and into love and commitment for the Lord!

2006-07-11T20:58:00.000+08:00

Just signed up for a wedding package from French Bridal Studio at Suntec City last Sunday. =) Like the package, the designer's (Paulson Chan) style and his way of doing business. He's top 10 wedding dress designer in Singapore so i guess i can trust him a little? =)

I am really excited about the upcoming months ahead. Going to do some research in house decor and wedding preparations. After calculating our assets and projected finances together, I was thinking of saving up quite a bit the next few month. But Wenfu and I prayed to have faith in God that he will provide for us both financially and strength to endure crazy semester ahead, Practicum 2 in jan to apr and new work phase in jul to nov 2007. Lotsa planning and inevitably stress. Woo! exciting!

Latest updates in cell:
:(
Jinwan hasnt been coming to church for the past 3 Sat.
Needs to pray for ju and alan.

:)
Marcus and Jacintha reconciled.
Had a heart to heart talk with Mich during retreat.
Shimin accepted Christ last Sat.
Yijun is friendly!

God creates out of nothing. Therefore until a man is nothing God can make nothing out of him. - Martin Luther

2006-06-20T00:43:00.000+08:00

I love you, but I need to tear down what is not of My Spirit, so I can build you back up.
I need to wound you so I can heal you.
I see you depending upon your own strength. I see you depending upon yourself. I need to let you experience failure so you will call on Me and depend on Me for your life and strength.
- Faith is not a Feeling by Ney Bailey

Dear God,
I need you in my life right now.. more than I ever want it. There is more to you than I can ever see or imagine I know. Help me to view you in the correct perspective in every situation that I am in right now and develop in me a hope that is rising. Douse every doubt, hurt, disappointment, cynicism, and wrong attitude that prevents me from seeing you, knowing you and experiencing you.

Father, I ask that you build the cell group up according to how you want to fashion it. May the cell be shaped according to your love. I thank you for this cuurent batch of people. May you raise a group of young people in this group who are constantly on the look out for others' interests and place others above themselves, that they do not get the attention or glory but You get the glory and others get the attention. When can I see such a generation of people God?

2006-06-01T23:56:00.000+08:00

5 days have passed since my birthday. Cell group celebrated my birthday with a wonderfully cute cream cake from Angie's choice. It was touching to know that they care. =) Juliana and Victoria are rather nonchalant and went off to K K without us so it was rather puzzling for the rest of us. Hope that God reveal to me the true condition of my sheep's health. Help me to know them root causes for their behaviour.
Dear brought me to Akashi on Sunday to have a really sumptuous lunch which I must say was superb. The sharksfin chawanmushi was haevenly, but a tad too ex. $12. Im happy just to have it once in my lifetime. =p

I just started CAB 401 Final Year Project (FYP) this week. I felt lost in the whole thing and I think Im trying to escape again. Dr Tham had been very kind to Kat and me and I dont wish to disappoint her. God please grant me the wisdom and understanding to know what I am doing and plan properly. Multiply my time so that I have time to prepare for the Word, spend time with my sheep and do my FYP.

2006-05-26T11:41:00.000+08:00

Cabbies celebrated my birthday for me yesterday. It was quite sweet of them really. Most of them are busy with their lives and projects yet they took time out to celebrate. However, I was a little tempted to be a little pissed off with some of their casual attitudes upon reaching ECP, without having any agenda whatsoever, however God told me to practise self-control and a spirit of thanksgiving. yup.

Went off to church to meet BAG group for discussion on Da Vinci and how to conduct the whole series in an innovative yet informative way. The whole purpose is to educate, equip, and provoke interest in God's Word and who the Bible claimed He was. May God give me wisdom and knowledge in dealing with the various questions.

I'm loving my summer vacation!

2006-05-24T00:37:00.000+08:00

Slurping down a delectable bowl of instant mee soto as I type leisurely. It's been about a month since I blogged. Been busy resting. Oxymoron I know. How can one be busy resting? haha..
Anyway here's a list of things I did for the past 2 weeks:

AYLN (Anglican Youth Leader's Network) retreat with some BAG members:
Pst Seow How shared on development of heart (passion) and skills (discipleship and building values). God ignited a new passsion and vision for youth work in many of our hearts, including myself. The food was fantastic and we got to know a new friend called Debbie (SJC). Learnt a lot from her about young adults and she is just so real.

Gynae appt:
To regulate my irregular menses. My first blood test. I was proud of myself for not fainting as the nurse drew a long syringe of blood from my arm! haha..My first pap smear. It sure felt funny when Dr Tan inserted the cotton stick into my ******. She said to test if I had cancer cells. Gosh. It cost a whooping 275 bucks! Mum and dad offered to pay. Thank God! =p

Mum and Dad's birthday:
Went for dinner with family on both occasions. I resolve to spend more quality time with my family as I grow older.

Watched a couple of movies:
DaVinci was a waste of my money simply for the fact the whole show was based on inadequate and inaccurate research. May God grant spiritual discernment for all who watch and stir up a renewal of interest in God's Word.

Appt with Dr Tham:
Must start on FYP next monday. Lots of readings and endless experiments. God grant me strength to do well and understand all that I'm doing.

Cant sleep.. slept too much in the noon I think.

wonderful weekend

2006-04-25T01:38:00.001+08:00

Had a good rest during the past weekend. Cell group is getting exciting. People are actually responding to God. I actually discovered a few important things like:
Relationships are extremely important.

My prayer for Jinwan is that she is able to come to cell. I hope she'll love God more each day. And through the loving she'll commit more.Thank God for Jinwan.

Things to do this holiday:
Read more
Listen to more sermons
Pray more
Meet up with all my dear cell members - sophia, sharity, jac, juliana, michelle, evelyn, olivia, victoria, jinwan.
1) Sophia is having problems with mum and I feel helpless sometimes. I teared when I prayed for her 2 days ago. I hope she will reconcile.
2) I hope evelyn n victoria can commit to God more.

Sleep early (no later than 2 am) - is it possible?
exercise twice a week
iron all my clothes - they r in a mess!
clean my room
pay Pastor Dennis a visit - when he's sad i feel sad too. He's a spiritual father to me.
meet up Vicky and Jasper - they r together!
Invite people to church
learn to work without recognition and being noticed

Teaching

2006-04-08T01:48:00.000+08:00

The past weeks have been fantastic. Or shd I say different? Just a very different kind of life i must say. It has been busy but it was a kind of busyness that I like and detest at the same time. I think I've found what I enjoy doing. Teaching. But I think I have to really work hard at my pedagogical skills. I need to constantly improve my teaching methods and classroom management style.

Here's just a list of things I need to reflect upon, that is long overdue:

stating objectives, preparing the learning environment
lesson closure
building rapport, management of group/individual behaviour (is there a system in place?)
evaluation skills (doing it on visualiser or whiteboard)
self-reflective, thinking on my feet

There is a teacher in school. Mrs Raja. I am really touched and impressed by her desire to help us trainee teachers improve in our teaching of the lower primary pupils. She goes the extra mile to help us prepare the workshops, lesson plans and dishes out advices to help us in our career. She really cheered me up today when I thought I did real badly for my SCM lesson observation today. 2 teach is 2 touch lives. simple words yet so powerful. It challenges me to think about my life, my way of delievering my lesson. Have I touched a life everyday?

It's been long since i last shopped or soak myself in the sea breeze myself at the beach with Dear.

Yes im willing

2006-03-19T01:17:00.000+08:00

Wenfu popped the big question on Friday 17/3/2006 12 am. He did it in an extremely smart way. Brought me out for supper after Sharity's grandfaher's wake and then we went back to the old house. Stopped by the roadside and for the first time in my life, i was getting really serious in my relationship with him. I'm going to prepare myself to be someone's wife. This is really something mega going on in my life. I think i should build my spiritual life up and change my outlook in life so i can be a godly wife and a strong mum-to-be. =)

Practicum has been really been bitter-sweet for me. Gone were the days when I go happily to NIE for lessons. Working is tough. Working with kids is tougher. Now i understand why they let us take so many child psychology modules. To understand my kids is half the battle won. I think I do not know them enough. I am simply too nervous when I handle group work. God grant me strength each new day when I do my lesson plans and props. Give me teachable moments when i can share with them ur grace and love.

Chinese New Year

2006-01-29T00:41:00.000+08:00

One thing I ask of the Lord, this is what I seek; that I may dwell in the house of the Lord all of my life, to gaze upon the beauty of the Lord and to seek him in his temple. Psalm 27:4

Things have been moving at an incredible speed these days. Before I knew it, one day is gone just like that. I have began to really question my existence and seeking desperately for rest for my mind is preoccupied with the things of the world - a lot of tv, do well in my project, making people approve of my work, satisfying basically my fleshy desires.
Been so stressed up about work and cell group (how to get more people coming), no time to excercise, smell the roses. I have neglected God's voice for quite some time. Somehow he reminded me of him when I was at my wits' end during preparation for CCL proj. Anyways He is wonderful counsellor.. I realise my true rest and source of strength always comes from God. He is my shelter, harbour and I am set high upon the rock.

I think dad really hopes I will get a flat soon... and near them. I am grateful and touched when he offered to pay for my down-payment. However, I dont want him to be in debt. I will feel bad for the rest of my life. But I think Dear is too busy with oher stuff.. does this happen to everyone? I wish my bf can be more on his toes...

This is a long Lunar New Year period. I just hope to rest and spend more time with family.

Ramblings

2005-12-28T14:50:00.000+08:00

Think my biological clock is messed up. I sleep @ 3 am and wake up @ 1 pm. Think I really really need a long break. 24 hours? hah..
Sand KTV with NIE classmates last night and had quite a fun time together. Haha.. interesting people, minus the politics.
BAG retreat tomorrow. Really beginning to like planning these days. But i know God wants me to go beyond planning and see beyond the plans, that ultimately it's all about Him and His people. Last night I just had this funny feeling of wanting to stop pleasing man and start living for God.

Devotion 16/12/2005

2005-12-16T12:12:00.000+08:00

Devotion 16/12/2005
God’s only concerned about 2 types of christians – soul-controlled or spirit controlled
“Therefore if any man is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come” (2 Cor 5:17).

I’m no mere mortal. I have resurrection power within me.
Indeed, in all things we are “more than conquerors through Him who loved us” (Rom 8:37 NIV).

I’m seated with Christ. Christ is greater than my failings, errors and hard experiences.

I do not lose heart in the things I see happening around me or how my outer body is decaying but I take heart that my inner man is renewing each day by the power of the holy spirit and the cleansing of His Word. Im a new creation. I think differently, I act differently and I speak differently. I do not wish to be entangled in the affairs of the world and be consumed by the culture that I live in. I don’t buy the culture I create my own culture. And the culture I want to create is love, acceptance and joy.

Mum said something incredible: I will believe in God if He heals me. Thank you Lord. You are working in my mum's life bit by bit. Through every circumstance you can display your power. I stand amazed and I will keep my words few. I love you Lord.

life after Race

2005-12-10T01:14:00.000+08:00

Run Resist Restore Rejoice!

Race camp has been over for a week or less. It's been an incredible journey for many in LOC, inlcuding myself. I have really learnt what it means to depend on the Lord and what it means to be a true servant of God, one who loves both God and His people. There are quite a number of people which I will have to mention here and thank them. Though they may never read this, but I would like to remember them forever what the impact they created in my life.

Pastor Dennis: For his ever ready smile and fatherly love which he showered upon me. I feel loved, cared for and am important. I respect him from the bottom of my heart and I really wish I were his student.

Vicky: For all the hard work she has put into planning for the camp and helping me rough out the details for the different areas I'm covering. Finally for being there when I needed a friend. Whenever there' s Vicky, there's Irene. I will miss her. Wish her all the best with Jasper!

Wanyi: Strangely she reminds me of Kathy. The resemlance is so strong that I can't help but reminisce the past all over again when I was in JC. She's great. And I pray she will rise up strong in her Youth grp.

Rev Wong Tak Meng" Prayed over me and I specifically asked for a shepherd's heart. I think God spoke through Him to me.

Lots of things I want to do this hol. there are only 3 weeks left to school reopening and I want to treasure time. Time is short: Relationship, success, failure, material possessions and position can all either brings us closer to God or further. And I pray all will bring me close to God.

2 things I want to know this yr and perhaps next: God's heart and my heart in His light

Be more organised:
cell list, attendance, fund

Shepherd's pie: To come up with a list of things to pray for and conditions of my sheep

clean up my messy room

take more photos

t-shirt for BAG

buy a gift for DEAR! (5th yr Anni!)

spend time going out with Daishi, Kathy, Sinong

so many things.... Time is short. Live life to the fullest.

tragic

2005-11-14T23:11:00.000+08:00

I have never cried so much when watching a show. The Korean drama series Stairway to Heaven juz ended its series. I think it's a fantastic show. romantic. sad. I feel sad for the male actor. Having to live the rest of his life without his childhood sweetheart. Someone he fought so hard for, someone he's waited for so long. Destined to leave him. He said their love had juz started. He asked her to wait for him when she's up there. I cannot imagine living the rest of my life without Wenfu. I cannot. I really cannot. I love him. I want to grow old with him. I want to enjoy life's ups and downs with him. I want to treasure him a lot.

Is there life after death? I want to go heaven. I want to see Dear in heaven. I want to meet God.

If We Do Not Lose Heart

2005-11-11T09:08:00.000+08:00

This is a summary of the article I read for my morning devotion by Francis Frangipane:

To recognise Satan’s plot to wear me down – through school work, strained relationships, ministry problems, feelings and emotions that should not be felt.

To know that he steals my joy, passion andstrength unknowingly through circumstances

Instead of asking ‘How long?’, I should ask God for perseverance. Only perseverance can help me develop an attitude of maintaining my standards when pressed and finding grace when stretched. Endurance, perseverance and steadfastness are transform doctrine into a way of life.

What I become is more important that what I do for the Lord.

Principle for living in battle days: There will be times I feel overpowered, but if I persevere, climb higher onto the Lord and trust that He knows what I am going through, the Ancient of Days is going to enter my circumstances. A fearful woman cannot allow the Holy Spirit to enter her life because her life is controlled by external circumstances. (Dan 7:22)

Help me Lord to abide in your peace, to not be weary of doing good for in due time I know I shall reap if I do not grow weary.

Exam period

2005-11-07T00:06:00.000+08:00

Assignment weeks have just gone by. The mad rush, endless meetings have taken a toll on my health and complexion. It was almost like heaven on last Wednesday when I handed up CCE 301, my last assignment. Went for sushi buffet and watch movie with Dear. It's been such a long time since I truly enjoy myself. I spent Friday night preparing for BS and publicity speech. Just very nervous since it's the very first time I speak to such a large crowd. Anyways it was ok, though I was perspiring quite a bit during the speech.

Just met up with Jasper and Vicky to finalise camp matters before Jasper leaves tm. Feel like I really am so inadequate in front of the 2 of them. Lots of things to learn from them. They are such dedicated servants of God!

Now it's time to revise for exams after so many days of relaxation. Concentration. Daydreams liberate!

Plummaging down

2005-10-11T16:21:00.000+08:00

These few weeks have been one of the busiest, strangest and saddest weeks. Lotsa work to start with and there are more to come. I have no time for anything else except work. Broke down a few times to cry and come back to God. I was about to give up but God used Pastor Daniel to encourage me and picked me up from the shambles. "What is the primary purpose of my life as a Christian?"

Presentations went ok. But I made serious mistakes in my concept for CCM and got shot down. I would probably be shot down. I pray for a C at least. Will God answer my prayer?

Feel so sad now. Can't do well to glorify God. Or is it bcos I want to glorify myself? Haiz.. Lift me up God. I'm sinking.

Half a semester and a week

2005-09-13T01:43:00.000+08:00

This is the first day of my one week break after half a semester of work. Actually this half a semester passed very quickly. In a blink of an eye, I realised a lot of things have happened. But somehow I don't feel that I have accomplished much. Hmmm. Lots of things have happened since school started and I shall attempt to summarise in point form, for memory sake, starting from the most recent:

Event: I sinned against God.
Lesson: be determined to change and PRAY like never before!!

Event: Hyundai Getz got injured at the multi-storey car park. Spent 1000 bucks on repair.
Lesson: Don't rush Dear and ask the other party to go to my mechanic instead. Expensive lesson.

Event: A. Camp Comm cum treasurer.

Event: Relationship with Joanne strained. Beginning to see lots of differences.
being biased agst her.

Event: Went to wrong class for CCM.
Lesson: Check timetable daily for the 1st two weeks.

Event: Missed 1st CCL lesson and as a result think that the tutor has quite a bad impression.
Lesson: Sleep earlier.

There are lots and lots of school work which I wish I don't have to do forever. I hope I just need to meet up with people, touch lives and spread the good news. Hope I dun get buried under a pile of lesson plans. and I hope to see God lift me up in due time.

Recognising the manifest presence of God

2005-07-19T13:40:00.000+08:00

So much has happened the past few weeks, shall just summarise in point form:

Started Bible study for small group (Love Joy Peace)
Relationship with Joseph a little strained bcos of Vine
Tree top walk (Venus Drive)
Met up with cheryl

Just went to Cornerstone website and heard the message that Pastor Yang preached.
Pastor Yang prayed : May I proclaimed the word with clarity and potency and anoint the ears so that we may hear all that God is saying speak as only You can speak.

Because of his early intimate relationship with God, Solomon asked for a discerning heart in 1 Kings 3:9 when the Lord asked him what is it that he wants from the Lord. What do I want from the Lord?
Are my ears spiritually trained to listen to the voice of God? Do I listen with the inner ear? Do I listen more to my carnal mind or do I put on the mind of Christ when I do my quiet time or go about starting the day?
Discerning heart = Hearing heart (spiritual perception) I need to hear him more clearly as before. God give me a hearing heart! So that I can know what is right or wrong, to discern your will.

The bible is a spiritual book; it can only be decoded by the Holy spirit. I don't know Greek/Hebrew but I know the Holy Spirit.

Revelations 3:20 speaks about God getting our attention, opportunity to hear from him, response and Jesus coming in to dine with us, to feed us with his word and rich fellowship. May I never miss the opportunity to fellowship with God because of my excuses. But first, I want to hear the voice of God in my life.

To close off, he ended the sermon with a story from Billy Graham. There was a woman who picked up a book and began reading. She soon grew bored and put down the book. Months later, she met a new guy was in love with him. She found out later that he was the writer of the book that she had put down months ago. She began picking up the book to read again. This time, she enjoyed the book and that was because she loved the author and she understood the writer's heart. Do we love the word because we love God, the author of the bible?

Post camp

2005-06-24T01:59:00.000+08:00

Church camp 2005 ended yesterday. It was Pastor Jon's last church camp but sadly none had the initiative to take a church photo, including me. Anyways it was a relative good camp except for the fact that I fell sick for half the camp. Caught a cold apparently. Pastor's last church camp with us was quite an emotional experience for us, especially the adults who grew up as Youths with him. Sermon was on Gospel of John and many interesting insights was revealed to me. Will try to compile them into summary form.

Time to go to bed now.

Back from BAG retreat

2005-06-09T17:23:00.000+08:00

Father Lord,
I thank you for the wonderful BAG retreat that had just passed. Thank you for the humble shelter that you have placed us under and it was amazing how the little place was converted to a place of love and a place where our hunger and need for you was met.
I want to thank you that through my leader Joseph, you have spoken to us and the rest of your flock about the importance of knowledge in the end times. You have taught us through the book of 2 Peter that knowledge through the bible is THE key to combat false teachings and encourage godliness. And it is through your Word that we experience real growth in our walks with you and transformations in our lives. I pray that you will remind us daily through your Word that grace and peace (v 2) comes through knowledge, which comes from knowing You. Teach us, through your Word, how to be a godly servants used solely for your purposes where we do not just want to have a form of godliness but deny its power in our lives. Lord I pray that you continue to set me and my brothers and sisters apart, to be established in your truths and to pursue the highest standard of holiness, purity and righteousness according to your plumpline. Help us to make every effort to possess the qualities of faith, goodness, knowledge, self-control, perseverance, godliness, brotherly kindness and love in increasing measure to keep me from being unfruitful and ineffective (v 5 - 8).
Guard our hearts against false teachings and develop in me humility and a love for the truth Lord. Help us not listen only to things which we want to hear but let us love the truth. May I stand firm in your grace and knowledge till Jesus comes back. Thank you for your patience towards us that you are holding back your judgement so that your beloved creation may come to know You as Lord and Saviour. Meanwhile I pray that Lord you help me to make every effort to be spotless, blameless and at peace with you. In addition, help me to rise above my circumstances to endure hardship for I know when I want to please you, there will be suffering and to share the Good News and your love wherever I go, whenever I can. (2 Tim 4:5)
Lord I also want to thank you for the worship servant-leaders you have raised up in our midst. I am extremely encouraged by their willingness and faith to serve you in being a Levite. I pray you continue to use them to minister to your people and ultimately Lord you may be pleased with the worship they offer unto you.
Once again Lord, I thank you for this amazing journey you have brought us through and may your purposes be fufilled in our lives. Amen.

I do and I will

2005-06-06T00:27:00.000+08:00

Results were out on Friday. I just want to say a big Thank You to you Lord for giving me the grades that I never dream I could get, especially for the AS subjects. It was a busy sem and I hardly had time to rest and as each week passed, my heart could not help but feel anxious about my assignments and results. With multiplying ministry work plus schoolwork, I was nearly at the brink of depression. But God has been faithful and oh yea He is so faithful. He did it for me once again. Thank You God for your grace. I have failed you so many times and I am unworthy but You always remind me to be joyful at all times when I serve you. Indeed it is such a joy to serve you! Please develop me to the kind of woman you desire to use and reuse. =) Thank You for the grades and I know you are reminding me that when I honor You, You will honor me. Thank You Lord.

Went back to Cornerstone on Saturday. The people there are as fantastic as before. Servant hearted christians. How rare! How I missed them. The Lord's presence was strong and there was this strong sense of his awe. I just want to soak in his presence forever.. Aili's wedding was touching. Seeing her came down the isle, that look of serenity with a dash of excitement as she was about to be united with her bridegroom as one flesh. I DO AND I WILL. Aww.. 8 years of love marathorn, serving God faithfully with Jiayong, my ex shepherd's finally settled down..haha..
Pastor O' Cornell shared about the image of Christ coming to receive His Bride in the last days and we as a Church should prepare ourselves to be presented to Him pure and blameless just like how Aili prepared rigourously before the wedding actual took place. He gave them a word in Songs of Songs of how the Shulammite woman pursued the King with such hunger and intensity and that caused the rest of the people around her to go after the King as well. Typifies their love relationship with God - as they pursue God wholeheartedly and with such passion, others may be impacted and blessed through them. I'm blessed.

Went Expo on Sunday (yesterday? oh gosh it's 1245 am now.. and I'm super tired) instead of last Friday cos Sunday is the day when they slash prices till super low. Dear was sick. Super sick. Caught a cold. He's prone to the cold virus.

This week is going to be a packed week. Let's see:
Monday:
1030 am : Meeting Jacintha for accountability time
1 pm: Meeting Sinong for lunch (my childhood friend)
7pm: tuition

Tuesday-Thursday:
BAG retreat at Aloha Changi

Friday:
930 am: Bible study to Christ church youths
8 pm: Discipleship meeting (take care of kids!)

Time to sleep now.

Grace

2005-06-03T10:57:00.000+08:00

Luke 15. The Parable of the Lost Son. This is perhaps the most touching parable in all of Jesus' parables. The prodical son returns home. It pictures how great the grace of God is that when we have strayed or sinned against him but repented, He is gracious to restore us from destitute to full sonship. However we must be careful not to be like the elder brother (Pharisees) who is self righteous and jealous. God welcomes sinners and PURSUES them. He goes through all means to retrieve a sheep that has chose to go its own way. A sheep that he has spent so much time grooming, taking care of, making sure it stays in the correct path. It is that important to God. This thought just blows me away. How many times have i strayed knowingly or unknowingly away from my Lord only to have him receive me with open arms again despite of my wilfulness and unfaithfulness. Thank You Lord. May I have a shepherd's heart like Jesus.

Just received a tuition assignment in Jurong East. Primary Six. My first meeting with her is on Monday 7 pm. 20 bucks an hour. That will be $240 per month. On top of $360 from mum, that will be $600 a month for me from July onwards. =) My tuition agent Rohana is quite nice and chirpy. Hopefully everything turns out fine. Pray that God uses me to touch the life of the tuition kid and her family.

A tree that bears fruit

2005-06-01T23:12:00.000+08:00

Rather than penning my thoughts down on paper, I will do it electronically from today onwards. It felt weird really but I thought it would be nice if I can include photos which I can't really do so previously with my old journals. =)

I spent the whole morning reading Luke 13. Had some really serious problems understanding some truths that Jesus spoke about in the parables. Tried very hard to draw links between the previous and preceding chapters and really wanted to give up reading the commentaries because at a certain point, the information and background could be a little overwhelming and I had to keep reading and re-reading. Learnt something today that the fig tree represents our life and that judgement or botanical surgery comes when repentance is being delayed. But God's willingness to hold off shows his patience. I repented for having wasted much time and resources given by God and pray that I will bear much fruit. I don't want to be barren no more!

The studying of the gospels have been put off for the longest time. Told Cheryl last week that I felt I did not know who the real Jesus was. She felt shocked. For the past few weeks I had this strange deep awareness that I did not know Jesus at all. All was head knowledge and I wasn't really interested in what He had done and what mattered to Him. But the whole bible was pointing to one person really - Jesus Christ. How can I be ignorant and indifferent? I need to work on it. Help me Jesus to know you and to understand truly what You have done in my life.

Serene got her results back today and she was disappointed. Did not do well she said. I wonder what my reaction will be like next Monday when it's my turn. Will I be able to praise God still? I waannnnt toooooo..

Lots of shrimps died in my tank the past 2 days. Dear changed a new filter for me and the water is much clearer now. He explained that as the old filter was faulty, it led to nitrites not being able to converted to nitrates (or the other way, I can't really remember) properly and the shrimps were poisoned. My red fish are so hungry they are going vegetarian. Fed them twice today and they are still hungry. Gluttons. Oh the puffer fish worked wonders. It is really a savior to my tank infested with snails. I left it overnight in my tank and voila! the tank was rid of snails the next morning. Neat! Oh but I think it will have to be transferred out as it will attack other fish once it doesn't see any more snails. =(

Saw Dear walked to the lift just now and I whispered a 'I love You' in my heart. And as the lift door closed, I was still smiling. We just cannot get enough of each other's silly antics and lame jokes and body odour and pinching of cheeks and encouragement and silly antics and lame jokes.. We just can't get enough of each other la. haha..

Books to finish reading by July:

Sophie's world (half way there..it takes forever to read this book)
Scripture Alone
Tuesdays With Morrie
Da Vinci Code/Breaking of Da Vinci Code
Rachel's Tears (a gift from Jacintha)

Looking forward to Basic Accountability Group (BAG) retreat from 6th to 9th June. oh it's Changi again. hah!

My very first entry

2005-06-01T02:08:00.000+08:00

Cool. My very first online entry. And it is on the 1st day of June. hah.