24 is a fairly young age to think about death, purpose in life and the process of living a purpose-filled life. Recently, I should say for the past few months, death has a way of whispering fear and apprehension into my heart. Fear of losing my physical appearance (washed out look), freedom to run and walk and do the things which I love, fear of not being able to see Wenfu again, to be a good wife, to be be blessed with kids. With the passing of beloved Mrs Ho, my life had sort of taken a mini re-orientation in terms of the meaning of life. I treasure my days more and every moment is so precious to me. People are no longer an irritation to me as God showed me how much he loves each one of us.

Stumbled upon a website dedicated to a most amazing woman I've seen or known so far. Linda. Im still in the process of reading her entries. She recorded the last few months, battling with lowering blood platelets and undergoing chemotherapy to treat her sudden diagnosis of leukemia (blood cancer). Before that she was leading a life like any one of us. A teacher at a kindergarten and a wife married to a wonderful husband for 4 years. One very amazing thing about her is that despite what she went through, she still managed to find the strength to praise God and persevered in prayer. She was still proned to sadness, fear of the unknown and the unbearable bouts of discomfort experienced during treatments, however, she continued to look up and pray " God help me to stay strong". Psalm 94:14 - ''Lord, when doubts fill my mind, when my heart is in turmoil, quiet me and give me renewed hope and cheer'' She is teaching me something I have never experienced before. It was right there yesterday in her words that God touched me again.

"Remember to savor today... even if it means taking a deep breath while you're outside... appreciate even the little things like fresh air."

"One thing that cancer has done is slow me down, and I mean that in a good sense. Before cancer, you could easily pick me out in the mall - I was the speed-walker, zipping along with a zillion things going through my head. Now, I move along at a much more leisurely pace - part of that has to do with the fact that my energy level isn't what it used to be, but a lot of it has to do with the fact that I like to soak it all in. I take deep breaths and observe what's going on around me. I notice a great deal more now than I did before cancer - the evidences of spring, how people carry themselves while walking down the street, how blue the sky is on a clear day, things like that. I appreciate life and each day I'm given in a whole new way as God makes Himself so evident when I stop to take notice. "

"May God give you eyes to see beauty only the heart can understand... God bless you this day and enjoy all the beauty He surrounds us with!"

- Love, Linda

Let's see.. one mad week has just passed by! I will update my modules and the different experiences I had been through. Felt like in secondary school but plus 100 times more stress. ha.. anyways here it is:

CAB 401 (Final yr proj) : research (Wednesday and everyday)
Stayed in school for the ENTIRE day on a day that no one would even dream of going back on - Wednesday. Supposed to meet sophia and amanda to walk around in orchard and cell for dinner but in the end I cldnlt make it. Kinda disappointed that I spent my holiday in such a pathetic way. It didnt help too when you heard about the haunted incidents at DNA lab. =( Thank God for Dear cos he stayed in school with me, being my lab slave.. haha.. thanks dear. =) However I think experiment is getting exciting as the I have transfered the seedlings over to the nutrient solutions in boiling tubes. Hopefully when I gather them back on Sun or monday there will be nodules! Dr Tham must be waiting too.

CAB 431: Animal behaviour (Mon and Thur lect)
Dr Shirley Lim as usual. Her cranky personality. She's nicer alrdy so I have not much to say about her =) Heavy practical weightages.

CCS 402: Reflections on Primary Science Practices (Mon lect, Fri tutorial)
Mr Charles Chew is a great Christian tutor. Look forward to working with him in this class. Got to talk a bit more to Amy today. Saw no one sat beside her so went behind to sit with her. Totally understand the sucky feeling of sitting alone. =)

CCM 402: Teaching and learning of Mathematics 3 (Tuesday tutorial)
Mr Eric Chan is my tutor. This person is task-oriented with no sense of humour at all. Called us to introduce ourselves and what we have learnt in the previous math modules, what we look forward to in this module. An A or B of course. Duh.. haha.. most of us just said strategies blah blah.. Praying that I will find favour with him la. Think God answered my prayer by introducing us to misconceptions students have in learning percentages during the first lesson. =)

CCE 402: Advanced strategies in the teaching of English 1 (Mon lect, Wed tutorial)
Same class as the usual people again: joanne, janice..Mdm Sally Ann Jones is an excellent tutor cos she manages to deliver effective key ideas across in 1 hour today (make up lesson). She's pretty despite being 45? 50? I slept at 3 am yesterday rushing my summaries but in the end she only asked 3 peepz in class to answer. ha.. oh well.. I was really tired yesterday. Super long day. 830 to 630 lesson, tuition 7-830 pm. rushed assignments to 3 am. But I know God has been granting strength throughout the whole day, even when I felt like lying on the table to rest for a while, he enables me to continue pressing on.

CCL 402: Advanced strategies in the teaching of social studies (Thurs tutorial)
Same class as Gham Seng. Lucky to have someone same class. ha.. but anyway we are in different groupings. First time we have a similar slot for CC modules. Anyways he had some misunderstanding with his mentor. Hope God will minister to him about his issues. We watched an inspiring clip during lecture about the power of creativity in everyday life. Think the person (Dewitt Jones) is a Christian. He quoted from the bible and all his ideas are a bit christian. Can apply in cell and everyday life.. =) Intend to download video from google. Ms Ananthi Chandra is our tutor. She started off with icebreakers and 'getting to know you' activities which warmed everyone up. Not bad for a start. =)

CED 432: Thinking skills to enhance learning (Thur lect/tutorial)
Dr Tan Ai Girl. Weird person. Talked to herself when she lectured from her powerpoint slides. She is a soft-spoken person but I know she belongs to the theoretical and brainy kind. Those that perhaps I will not perform well with. Oh ya, she suddenly stopped what she was teaching and asked us to share what had been taught. All of us were frantically trying to remember scanty details of what was being shared. Most ideas were repeated cos we really can't remember much, especially me. Haha.. so I turned my summary into a question for her, she may not be too happy about that. I dont know la. Her assignment is a little crappy but i think it is difficult. Share personal experience of learning opportunity and apply learning theories to my experience. What to write sia?

CAM 180 (General Elective) : History in Mathematics (Fri 2 -5 pm)
Dr Paul Shutler. Interesting guy who's going to lecture on the different European history in mathematics (E.g Eygptian, Archimedes, etc). Class is fairly big with LOTSA engineering students from mostly China. At the end of lesson they asked whether there would be homework. Haha.. super hardworking.

God spoke to me during one of the quiet times. 'GIVE'. Give my time, my resource, effort to people. And always be prepared to give an answer for the faith I have in Christ Jesus. In order to GIVE, I have to be deep in God. Thank you Lord. :)

Finally have some time to breathe and blog =) Went for FOP yesterday. Queued for 2 hours just to get into the hall. Was a little scorched from the sun's menacing rays. It was solid 2 hours of worship and Word. Perhaps the Word could be a little more skewed towards the younger folks at the stadium la.

F orget slights and wrongs
O pen your heart
R each out to others
G rant pradon to all
I nvite dialogue
V alue peace
E mpathize and understand

Cell group relationships are strained. Good time for all of us to start growing as individual. Sometimes I pray: hide me God. But I know at this point of time, I cannot be hiding.

My Prayer
My burdens keep me humble
And they teach me to pray.
If I murmur, if I grumble
Forgive the words I say.

Give me strength to just carry
My load day to day.
Just don’t take my burden
Or my cross away.

With the cross on my shoulder
My feet cannot stray.
For my cross leads me onward
To my home so far away.

And I’ll never question
The price I must pay.
But don’t take my burden
Or my cross away.

For I would grow careless
And idle I fear.
My eyes would be dry
I’d never shed a tear.
Lest I forget
That I need You today.
Don’t take my burdens
Or my cross away.

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